There’s something I want to say, but I lost it. Like always, I get lost in my own thoughts. It’s weird, isn’t it? Getting lost in your own thoughts? Maybe ‘lost’ isn’t the right word. Maybe something like ‘confused’ or ‘piled up’ or something placed between the two would be more appropriate. 

Where was I? Ten minutes ago, where was I? I mean, what was in my mind? 

I was wondering what some people think of me. Sometimes, I talk to much. And at this point - it’s almost at the end of the day - I look back at what happened today. There’s something that makes me sad, and I don’t know what exactly it is. I really don’t know. It must be the rain. Most probably, it is the rain.

Oh, it’s night time. I usually bop, dance, sing, or relax to music by this time, but there’s something different this time. I don’t know what it is. Must’ve been my mouth, I guess. Not that there’s actually wrong with it, but maybe I just talk too much. I really don’t know. It must be the rain. Most probably, it is the rain.

I noticed how plain or almost-expressionless the ambiance is in our house. The emotions - the happy ones I’m most leaning to - doesn’t spur up that much. It’s like a blank. straight-faced aura. It’s just sad, I’d say. Not that I’m complaining, but I don’t know. I really don’t know. It must be the rain. Most probably, it is the rain.

I guess no one knows. I really don’t know. It must be the rain. Most probably, it is the rain.

So yeah. Let’s talk about other people here besides the ones I talk about often (you know, me, love, friends, previous crushes, and some celebrities). We had a friend. Yes. Had. It’s kinda sad because she was actually close to us. But then, there were times when unfortunate things happen - those things you never expected that’ll happen. Very sad.

Backstabber. Huge word. Degrading.

But really. It’s hard to find out that A’s actually telling one of our closest friends, B, that we’re using B… like taking advantage of whatever she’s got. Also, A told B that we’re making fun of her stuff, buying the same things, and etc, because we’re insecure. I mean, where in the levels of hell did that came from? I don’t get that much hurt with such kinda stuff, but this one? Bitch, no. Just, please.

So, it hurts. It was sad. A doesn’t hang out much with us anymore, having a very evil boyfriend by her side. Fuck that, okay. All the lies, all the games played, stop. You need me, us, more than you think, and more than we actually need you.

I won’t be insecure with such stuff. I keep my insecurities to myself, bitch. I don’t let them get the best of me, or even a piece of me at all. 

It’s just sad how you turn things around to your advantage and on our demise. Good thing B wasn’t very one-sided. And come on, I mean, me? You can fool people, but you’ll get fooled around back. 

Don’t worry. I miss the way you were. I won’t forget all that. Haha. That’s a joke. 

There were some moments when you stop yourself from doing something, talking about something, or whatever. You know, it’s kinda hard. Sometimes we offend people without even knowing. That’s alright, right? No. 

I feel like almost everyone thinks that I’m very proud of myself. I feel like everyone thinks that I’m always bragging about something. Maybe, I’m just weird. I don’t have the intention to brag. I just wanted to open up about stuff. I want to talk. I want to share what I know. But what if my wants become a relentless factor of hatred to receive from other people? Okay. Hatred is such a huge, deep word. Dislike - that’s more appropriate. What if?

You know, it’s hard. I don’t know where I should stand and take one for myself. Really. 

(Source: ohheey-itskatieex, via awesomelvinn)

Okay, so I was actually so excited for this week as I have mentioned in my earlier blog posts, and I think I kinda jinxed it. Haha. Okay. But you know, negative things that happen around us, to us, and for us, should be taken as something else aside from negativity. You know, think about these things being modifiers or strengtheners (what kind of word). I’m not really mad with these things happening around me, because I really don’t have that much reason to be so, but they hurt. Well, we just got to live with pain, don’t we? It’s alright. There’s always a tomorrow worth looking forward to, and that’s what keeps me up.

(a continuation of the 30-day music challenge I did few months ago)

(I skipped 5 and 6 because I don’t want to do that)

Let’s see. Lemme make recommendations, and I’ll go talking about those overlooked ones, slept on albums.

“Now my mind is everywhere and drowning is the only thought I have”

Well, not really. I don’t know. But you know, bitterness is always there. It’s not a bad thing, I think. I’d love to reason out that the existence of bitterness makes the presence of sweetness last worthwhile, thus, making it more memorable. Oh, look what our Philosophy class has done to me. Haha. I love that class, although the exams were pretty tricky. Got the highest score for Midterm and Final exams, and I’m proud of that, but not to the extent of bragging about it… maybe a little bit.

So yeah. What am I actually saying? Bittersweet, still. Not really about love, because I’m leaning more onto the latter side, which is really good, and how I wanted it to be - just like the good old days which I really miss so much, and it’s cool to finally feeling like that again. Oh, I love you. So yeah. Where was I? Bittersweet, still. You know, I don’t have much money anymore, and I still haven’t bought Paramore’s album. Haha. Just kidding. I’m more tensed about my mom scolding me if she finds out I have less than what she’d be expecting on my bank account. Okay. Let’s think positively. Businezz. Yeah. 

Anyways, love the song I got the title from.